Dirty Little Secrets (Dirty Little Secrets #1) Read online

  Caleb isn’t some great guy that I’ve met in a new city, where a world of possibility is waiting at my feet. This thing we have—whatever it is—is on a timer. It has an expiration date. If I’m lucky, I can manage a graceful exit, ease my way out of it with an excuse, or a lie. I can tell him I’m homesick, or that things just aren’t working out between us. I can make up some ex-boyfriend that I want to get back together with, and hope he leaves it at that, without asking any questions.

  I can hope this thing just fizzles out, instead of exploding. Maybe this was just a one-night thing, and I’m worrying for nothing. Maybe he’ll wake up, and I’ll pull on the same clothes I wore last night, grab the bag that holds everything I brought to the city with me, and he’ll walk me to the door and tell me he had a great time. Maybe that will be it.

  I slide my hand across Caleb’s arm, and he lets out this sleepy little noise as he pulls me even closer. His erection is pressing against the small of my back, and I want to turn around in his arms and kiss him awake. I want to sling my leg over his waist, and ride him until he cries out my name. I want to make him feel as good as he made me feel last night, into the morning.

  Oh, god. What was I thinking? I left Chicago with the sole purpose of finding a safe place where I could plan my way out of the mess I’d gotten into. Here I am, just as clueless about how to do that as I was four days ago, and I walked straight into another mess in the making. I let a handsome face and charming personality make me forget about pretty much everything. It’s been nice, not feeling like I’m living on borrowed time, or like everything in the world is about to come crashing down around me. I like being with Caleb.

  It’s the newness talking, I know this. It’s the promise of the honeymoon phase, when everything is perfect and the sex is never-ending, and both of us are still mysteries to each other. This is the time before reality hits, when I don’t know what a slob Caleb is, or that he has the habit of putting empty cartons of milk back in the refrigerator, or that he picks his teeth at stoplights.

  I know I’m getting ahead of myself. I know this. I need to enjoy the here and the now, whether it lasts for another fifteen minutes, or…however long. I just can’t shake the feeling that this is good, that I’m safe here with him. I also can’t shake the thought of the way I know he’ll look at me when I tell him what I did that brought me here in the first place. Foolish as it is, I want to push that moment as far off into the future as possible.

  What I need to do is enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his arms while I have it. I need to feel safe and secure while I can.

  So, I close my eyes, and let myself drift.

  * * * * *

  It’s well after 11 a.m. when I open my eyes again. When I wake this time, I’ve got my head resting on Caleb’s chest, and he’s running his fingers through my hair.

  “Morning,” he says, looking down at me. His voice is low and sleepy, and his eyes still have that slightly puffy early morning look, so I know that he hasn’t been awake for very long. He’s smiling, and that smile is a really nice thing to see first thing when I wake up.

  “Good morning,” I reply, stretching out as much as I can, considering I’m all wrapped up against Caleb’s body. Not that I’m complaining. No, not at all. The move makes me press into his side, and my nipples tighten as they rub against his skin. He cuddles me closer, sliding his arm around the small of my back. If I wasn’t so sore, I’m pretty sure I’d be pulling him on top of me right about now. Still, I lean into him, and take a deep breath. The man’s smell is like a drug to me.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “Well,” I say, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You?”

  “Well.” He crooks his finger beneath my chin, then tilts my head up and kisses me. “I’m glad you stayed.”

  I’m grinning at him like a loon, and I don’t care one bit. “I’m glad I stayed, too.”

  “Last night was…” he takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to search for words.

  “Amazing.” I kiss his chest again. I’m pretty sure this would be one of my favorite places to put my mouth on his body, even if it wasn’t the only one I could reach right now.

  “Fucking amazing.”

  “Literally.”

  Caleb laughs, and pulls me on top of him. My thighs come to rest on either side of his hips, and I wince at the ache I feel when he moves me. It’s worth it, though, being in this spot.

  “Sore?” he asks, running his hands down the small of my back, and over my ass, stopping when he reaches my thighs.

  “Little bit.”

  “Sorry,” he replies. “But I’m not really sorry.”

  He looks so mischievous and sleep-rumpled that I have to kiss him, morning breath be damned. This kiss is slow, and soft, and makes me want to melt right into him. “I’m not sorry, either. Sex has to be the best reason for aching muscles,” I admit. “Best workout ever.”

  Caleb grins, and nuzzles his nose against my cheek. “If working out made me come like that, I’d be in the gym all the time.”

  I let out a short little laugh as I trail my fingertip down the ridges between his abs. “You don’t look like you’re in need of more gym time.”

  Caleb flips me, and my back is pressed against the mattress. Anchoring his weight on his arms, he lowers himself down until his chest touches mine, and his hard cock rubs against my belly. He gives me a kiss, and then lifts himself back up.

  “Did you just…did you just do a sexual push up?” I ask. It’s a completely ridiculous, show-off move, but it turns me on like I never would’ve expected.

  He arches his brow. “Maybe.”

  I slide my fingertips across his shoulders. “Do it again.”

  He does. This time he stays down longer, kissing me thoroughly. I buck my hips against him, providing some friction as a little reward. Just when I decide that the ache between my thighs isn’t going to stop me from having sex with him again, my stomach conspires against me by letting out a loud, embarrassing growl. Of course, Caleb laughs.

  “Worked up an appetite, huh?”

  I nod. I worked up one hell of an appetite.

  “How about some breakfast?”

  I give him a skeptical look. “You can cook?”

  “No, I’m a total disaster in the kitchen. But I can take you to my favorite place for bacon and eggs.”

  Bacon and eggs sounds really good, but I turn and look at the clock on the table beside the bed. “It’s almost lunch time.”

  “Then we’ll get some fries to go with it.”

  I sigh, running my hands across his abs. He’s so beautiful, and it’s just unfair. “You eat like that, and look like this.”

  After he kisses me, he says, “I can always work it off later.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  In a corner of the busy diner, Caleb and I sit across from each other at a cozy little booth. Caleb’s legs are so long that our legs are tangled up together, and after spending hours wrapped around each other last night, neither one of us bothers to move. I don’t know how Caleb feels about it, but it’s nice to keep the connection here in public.

  Yet again I’m reminded that this thing is moving way too fast, but—and I know this is incredibly short-sighted and stupid—I don’t want to stop it.

  “I have to ask you a question,” Caleb says, swiping a fry through a puddle of ketchup that’s in the middle of the plate we’re both sharing.

  My heartbeat picks up, and I tamp down the panic that is threatening to rise. “Okay.”

  “The bag you carry everywhere…”

  My breath catches. “Yeah?”

  “Do you carry it with you everywhere, or is it just because you’re in a new place?” He’s got this charmed smile on his face, so I know that I’m not being interrogated, but at least now I know that he has actually noticed the bag. Not that it’s a difficult thing to notice, considering I’ve had it with me every time I’ve seen him. I had just hoped he hadn’t been paying attention to it.

  I
look down at the bag, where it’s sitting on the floor beside my feet. Its handles are wrapped round my ankle again, even though the booth we’re sitting in is adjacent to a wall. No one can reach over and take it from me without crawling under the table first, but still…I feel safer with it like this.

  “It’s because I’m in a new place. My livelihood is in this bag, so are all the things that I brought with me,” I tell him. It’s a vague explanation, but definitely not a lie. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving it in the hotel when I’m not there.”

  “And you feel comfortable carrying it around the streets of New York?” he asks, quirking his eyebrow at me as he steals another fry.

  I want to tell him that I feel safe as long as it’s with me, because if I have to run, I won’t have to worry about leaving anything behind if all I’ve got is with me. Instead, I say, “I’ll stop doing it once I’m settled in somewhere.”

  “You could’ve left it at my apartment,” he says.

  I look down at my plate, at the half-finished bacon and eggs. “I wasn’t sure I’d be going back there.”

  After the words are out, I look up at Caleb, and catch the moment his entire expression changes. He was all teasing and light a minute ago, but now he just seems crestfallen. He schools the look quickly, but still…I saw it there.

  “Oh,” he says.

  “What I mean is that I wasn’t sure you’d invite me back after this, and I didn’t want to assume anything in case this was, like, the end of things.” I’m rambling, and I really don’t want to make a big fool of myself here, but I can’t seem to help it.

  “Mia,” Caleb sighs. He’s got this soft look in his eyes as he reaches across the table and takes my hand, and my frazzled, overworked nerves calm instantly.

  “I don’t know what’s going on here, I’ll be honest with you. But I do know that I want to see you again. This isn’t the end of things.”

  “Okay.” I smile.

  “Yeah?” he asks, smiling too.

  “Yeah.”

  Our hands are still entwined, so he brings mine up to his lips and kisses my knuckles. I feel the blush creeping up my cheeks, because he manages to make this feel intimate and romantic, even though we’re in the middle of a diner.

  When he reaches for another fry, I say, “I might have to take that back if you don’t leave any for me.”

  Just to be cocky, he takes another one. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  * * * * *

  In what is the first extended awkward moment since we met, Caleb and I stand outside of the diner, facing each other. I know I’m definitely trying to figure out what to say to him, and it seems like he’s busy figuring out how to broach the subject of what to do next. I want to go back to his apartment with him, no doubt about it. But what I need to do is go and check into the hotel I was going to check into last night. I want to run another search on Privya, and I don’t think I could manage that at Caleb’s without him asking me questions.

  “Would you like to come back to my apartment with me?” “I think I should go back to my hotel.”

  We both speak at the same time, and we both look at each other with wide eyes once we’re through, and oh, his face. I reach up and quickly cup his cheek. After the conversation we had over brunch about this being just the beginning of things between us, I don’t want him thinking that we’re not on the same page.

  “I do want to go back to your apartment,” I tell him quickly. “It’s just that…”

  I need a moment to consider how I want to go about saying what I need to say next.

  “Just that what?” Caleb asks impatiently.

  I swallow. I shouldn’t say it, but I’m going to.

  “I’m worried that the more time I spend with you, the more difficult it will be for me to leave.”

  His eyebrows scrunch together. “Where are you going?”

  I didn’t mean to come off like I’m leaving forever, but I guess honesty sneaks out in the places you least expect it to. “Nowhere, just…I meant leave you, leave your apartment. I’ll want to stay all the time, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing. We just met.”

  “I know,” he says, laughing. “But it seems like it’s been longer than two days.”

  “It does,” I reply. This is the kind of thing that happens in movies, isn’t it? Arriving in a new place and getting swept off their feet. Now I understand the stories I’ve heard about two people meeting each other in a romantic city, and coming home married after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks. Not that things are going to go that way with Caleb and me.

  He kisses me, and wraps his arm around my waist.

  “At least let me drive you and your bag back to your hotel,” he says with a cute little smile.

  “Okay.”

  * * * * *

  The same driver who brought us to Caleb’s apartment from the bar is driving us back to my hotel. Caleb and I are quiet for most of the ride. I’m nervous, because I lied to Caleb about which hotel I’m staying in. I’m sure I’ll wind up regretting that decision at some point, but what’s done is done. I remember Caleb telling me about his friend Oliver, who is in the hotel business. Since Caleb did some consulting work for Oliver, I’m sure he’s familiar with the hotels in the city, and I don’t want him to know that I’m staying in one of the cheaper ones in Manhattan.

  It’s the kind of place where the bed will take up the majority of the available square footage, and I’ll have to share a bathroom with a few rooms on the same floor. I figured that if I told Caleb about it, he’d either a: want me to stay with him, or b: insisted that I get a room at another establishment. I can’t afford anything else, and I don’t want him paying for me, so lying was the only thing I could think to do.

  When the car comes to a stop about five blocks away from the hotel I’m actually going to check into, Caleb says, “Let me walk you up.”

  “No!” I reply, too loudly. Too quickly. “If you come up, I’ll want you to stay. Let’s just say goodbye here?”

  Caleb gives me an indulgent smile. “That worried you won’t be able to resist my charms?”

  He leans in close, and kisses the breath right out of me. It’s a kiss that makes me rethink my decision to get out of this car.

  “When can I see you again?” he asks, his green eyes half-lidded with desire.

  “When do you want to see me again?”

  “Right now,” he says, leaning in and pressing a kiss against my neck. “Don’t leave. Come home with me.”

  “Caleb…” I intend for it to be a warning, but his name comes out more like a plea.

  “Okay, okay,” he relents. “Tomorrow?”

  Way back in the corner of my mind, I hear my grandmother’s voice telling me not to be too available for a man, but I just don’t care. I don’t know how much time I have left here. How much time I have left at all, really. I want to spend time with Caleb while I can.

  “Tomorrow sounds good,” I say, smiling. How will I even wait that long?

  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, handing it to me. “Give me your number?”

  I bite my lip, and input the number to the untraceable phone I have with me, since it’s the only one I’ve got with me, and it would be stupid to give him my real number anyway. I don’t even dare turn that phone on.

  When I hand the phone back to him, he presses on the screen, and then my phone starts ringing.

  I laugh. “What are you doing?”

  “Just checking.”

  Something in my heart sinks knowing that he thought—for even one second—that I might have given him a fake number. “Caleb,” I say, reaching out and sliding my hand across his cheek. He leans into it, like a puppy. “I’m not going to blow you off.”

  He nods, then kisses me. “I’ll call you, okay?”

  “I can’t wait.”

  I reluctantly get out of the car, and I can feel his eyes on me as I make my way toward the doors of the hotel that I’m totally lying about staying
in. I slip inside and grab a pamphlet from the concierge, pretending like I’m thinking about making a reservation, or booking a party. I slip it into the side pocket on my bag, because I need to remember the name of this place. When or if Caleb asks about it, I can’t slip up.

  I shake my head. I’ve never been a liar, and now I’m a liar and a thief. Luckily, I don’t have much time to devote to think about that right now. When I’m certain that Caleb’s car is long gone, I exit the hotel, and head toward the place I’m really staying tonight.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “How’s your mom? I ask Marcus, speaking in a voice that’s as quiet as I can manage. I’ve been in this hotel for nearly a week now, and it’s driving me insane. The walls are paper thin, and I’m worried someone will hear me. Not that any of them would care about who I’m talking to or what I’m talking about, but I can’t be too careful. With my luck, the one time I raised my voice on the phone with Marcus, Andre Privya would be walking by my door.

  “She’s good. Doing better. Her new doctor is amazing.”

  I smile. “I’m glad to hear it,” I tell him. No matter how I feel about the current state of my life, at least I know it wasn’t for nothing.

  “How are things with you?”

  I consider the question. How are things with me? Apart from the whole hiding from a hitman thing, things are great. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Caleb, and it’s wonderful. When I’m with him, I can almost believe that everything is going to be okay. I can almost believe that I could start a new life here, safely, and just forget about my old one and everything that goes along with it.

  “I’m doing well,” I tell him, and I’m surprised to realize that it’s actually the truth.